After the latest incident with Gene, Kylisha thought it best if she took a short break from the situation. Thus, she used one of her sick days and did not report to work on Monday. Instead of staying home to rest and think, Kylisha went to see the female guest minister from Wednesday night’s Bible study. She needed to tap into that anointed woman’s wisdom.
I just hope she is able to give me more time, Kylisha mused.
Though she called before leaving home to make sure Minister LeBron would be able to see her today, there was no guarantee she’d get a full hour of the busy woman’s time. If not for the desperation in Kylisha’s voice, this meeting might have been pushed all the way to Friday.
There was no way Kylisha could have waited until Friday to sort through all her confusion. Not with Arnaz and Gene in the same vicinity, constantly tugging on her emotionally. She would have been out of her mind by the end of the week. Oh, when did things get so complicated?
In Minister LeBron’s modest office, Kylisha quickly explained her dilemma. She summarized everything, not wasting time on necessary details such as which man she’d known the longest or felt the closest to.
After hearing her out, Minister LeBron asked Kylisha a few questions of her own. “Though I’ve heard your logical and spiritual reasons for choosing one man over the other, I haven’t heard your emotional reasons,” the gray-haired woman said. “For instance, how does Arnaz make you feel when you’re with him?”
Kylisha smiled at the mention of her dear friend. “Arnaz makes me feel comfortable, peaceful, and safe. When I’m with him, I feel secure and confident that I’m the only woman he wants. That I’m the apple of his eye.”
“And Gene?” Minister LeBron prompted.
Kylisha’s cheeks flushed with color. “Gene makes me feel alive, tingly all over, and adventurous.” Her expression grew pained. “Unfortunately, he also feeds my insecurities with all those female admirers of his. One minute I feel special to him, the next I feel insignificant. Like a grain of sand on a large beach. Like one of many girls in a harem.”
“I see,” Minister LeBron replied thoughtfully. “And you’re pretty sure this second young man isn’t willing to make a permanent change in his life? For instance, my second husband, who is also the man I’m still married to now, is a reformed pimp. He was a master in manipulating and exploiting women until God got a hold of him.”
Kylisha’s eyes widened in shock. Her mouth fell open.
Minister LeBron chuckled. “What? Don’t tell me you’re one of those people who think ministers’ lives are perfect? Well, I’m here to tell you that our lives are never perfect – past, present or future. We struggle just like everybody else. Only difference is, some of us just know how to hide it better,” she said, before getting back on task. “But that’s neither here nor there now. Let’s get back to the question at hand. Are you absolutely sure Gene isn’t ready for a permanent change?”
“I’m ninety-five percent sure,” Kylisha replied. “And for me that’s enough not to get involved with him.”
“And you’re basing this ninety-five percent on the fact that he’s still getting all these calls from other women, and the fact that he only decided to come to church after you decided to date someone else. Am I right?”
“Right.” Kylisha nodded. She was pleased that Minister LeBron had been listening so intently to her before. “I truly believe Gene just wants to add me to his sexual ‘To-Do’ list. I deserve better than that.”
“I agree that you deserve better, which is why I’m going to teach you how to break those soul ties you have with this man.” Minister LeBron handed Kylisha a Bible. “Turn to 2 Corinthians 10 and read verse three for me.”
Kylisha did as she was told. ““For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh.”
“That’s the first thing you need to know. Though there are practical things you will need to do in the natural, you must first attack this situation in the spirit,” Minister LeBron said. “In other words, get on your knees in prayer more. Now read verse four.”
“For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds,” Kylisha quoted.
“That’s the second thing you need to know about breaking soul ties. The things you do and the confessions you make from this point on must be Word-based. That’s the only way you’re going to obtain complete victory over your desires for this man. Understood?”
Kylisha nodded. “Understood.”
“Good. Now read verse five, our last and final passage for today’s session.”
“Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ,” Kylisha read.
“This third thing is a biggie. It’s not more important than the other two, just more challenging to maintain,” Minister LeBron replied.
“How so?” Kylisha asked.
“It’s a biggie, because it deals with aggressively taking control of your thought-life every day, every hour, and sometimes every other minute, depending on how engrained this man is in your soul,” Minister LeBron replied. Then she began to teach Kylisha exactly how to gain control over her thoughts.
“Okay, so let me get this all straight in my head,” Kylisha said, after listening intently to the anointed woman’s instruction. “Every time an unprofessional thought comes into my mind about Gene, I attack it and cast that thought down with a corresponding scripture.”
“Right,” Minister LeBron replied, before giving her yet another example. “For instance, if he comes in looking particularly fine tomorrow, you could use 1 Samuel 16:7 to keep yourself under control. Say, ‘Because God looks at the heart of a man, I do, too. Therefore I refuse to be moved by Gene’s outer appearance today’.”
“That’s one of Gene’s favorite passages,” Kylisha inserted, thinking about him even now.
“Make it one of yours, too, just for a different reason,” Minister LeBron countered, giving her a loving, yet stern look.
“Yes, ma’am.” Kylisha nodded, quickly getting her mind back on track.
Minister LeBron smiled at her humility. It was always easy to work with those willing to submit to correction. One didn’t mind cutting into one’s lunch hour for a humble person like that.
“Here,” Minister LeBron said, passing a pen and sheet of paper across the oak desk. “You’re going to need to take notes for the rest of this session.”
Kylisha’s hands flew over the paper as she was given one prudent technique after the other on how she could break even more soul ties with Gene. Beside each bulleted tip, she wrote the practical application of it in parenthesis.
- Get rid of any personal affects (Throw out any pictures, gifts, letters, or little cute notes he’d sent you).
- Keep your mouth off him literally (Stop kissing him. Stop letting him kiss you).
- Keep your mouth off him figuratively (Don’t discuss him any more than you have to).
- Limit non-work exposure to him (Stop attending Sunday dinners at his parents’ house).
“On that last thing,” Kylisha interrupted. “How am I going to stay out of Gene’s way when it comes to church? I just recently joined the church that his family has been a member of for years.”
“This is where Arnaz comes in,” Minister LeBron replied. “By the way, I hope you’re not dating him simply because you don’t want to date Gene. You and Arnaz both deserve better than that.”
Kylisha frowned. “I know, but I’ve already agreed to date Arnaz. I can’t go back on my word now.”
“But you can be honest with him about where you currently are emotionally,” Minister LeBron replied. “That way Arnaz can decide if he wants to hang in there with you while you work another man out of your system. Now if he chooses to stand by you during this unsettled time, you will need his help as a buffer from time to time, which I think addresses your last question.”
“So you’re suggesting that I let Arnaz accompany me to church sometimes?” Kylisha asked, wanting to be clear on what she was being told.
“Exactly. You, in turn, go to his church some Sundays. This will put even more space between you and Gene. It will also keep you from forsaking the assembly.”
Smiling with relief, Kylisha’s eyes filled with grateful tears. “Thanks so much for seeing me today, Minister LeBron. I can’t tell you how much you’ve helped me.”
Minister LeBron gave her a warm smile. “No problem. That’s what God called me to do. I just wish more single women and men sought wise counsel concerning their romantic lives. Then maybe we wouldn’t have so many children out of wedlock, so many single parent homes.”
“Amen.” Kylisha nodded.
Minister LeBron chuckled. “Don’t amen just yet. We still have to close this session out in prayer.”
After they prayed, Kylisha thanked her new mentor again. On her way out of the building, she put a sizable offering in the inconspicuous donation box near the secretary’s desk. She’d give more on her follow-up visit next month.
© 2006 by Suprina Frazier
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*Ch. 13.1 dedicated to Kassy. Hope it helps, lady.